if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
