I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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