i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
