Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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