I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
sex in a hospital.. check
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
