You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
