he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
