my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
