party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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