If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
