Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
