a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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