who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
