never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
