after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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