whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
