I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
