I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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