Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
