the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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