Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
