i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
