I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
