like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
