Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
