I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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