Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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