Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
