you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fill condoms, not promises.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
