that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
