the condom got lost in my hair
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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