is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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