remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize