i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
