Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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