Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
