i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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