the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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