Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize