Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
