Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
