when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
