never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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