P.S. I can't hear my feet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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