One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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