does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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