im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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