The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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