she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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