HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
