C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
