I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
