I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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