Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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