Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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