one word: firstdatebathroomanal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
