I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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