I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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