is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
