From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
