'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
