I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
