she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
