I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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