...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
