lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
