the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
