Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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