Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
