Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
