I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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