Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
